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[BassHunter69]

  thanks for the history lesson clubber 

[Bassinkorea]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$150"

Man - "Sold."


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here"

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$350"

Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have  a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The boy says, "$500"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church and make you confess your greed."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that chit again, you're in my closet now."
 

[BIG PAPA]

dialed a number and got the following recording: 
 
"I am not available right now, but 
Thank you for caring enough to call. 
I am making some changes in my life. 
Please leave a message after the 
Beep. If I do not return your call, 
You are one of the changes." 
~~~~~ 
 
Aspire to inspire before you expire. 
~~~~~ 
I LOVE THIS NEXT ONE! 
My wife and I had words, 
But I didn't get to use mine. 
~~~~~ 
 
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. 
~~~~~ 
 
Blessed are those who can give without remembering 
And take without forgetting. 
~~~~~ 
 
The irony of life is that, by the time 
You're old enough to know your way 
Around, you're not going anywhere. 
~~~~~ 
 
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think 
Of an answer for her first question. 
~~~~~ 
 
I was always taught to respect my elders, 
But it keeps getting harder to find one. 
~~~~~ 
 
Every morning is the dawn 
of a new error. 
~~~~~ 
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: 
 
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and
with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is
a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

[clubber]

A successful rancher died and left everything
to his devoted wife. She was determined to
keep the ranch, but knew very little about
ranching, so she placed an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay
and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when
no one else applied she decided to hire the
gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have
him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long
hours every day and knew a lot about
ranching. For weeks the two of them worked
hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You
have done a really good job, and the ranch
looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into
town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am, and upon
entering the room, he found the rancher's
widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass
of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she
said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked,
ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each
gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned
it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire
light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling
hands did as he was told and dropped it to
the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever
wear my clothes into town again, you're
fired!"

[Bassinkorea]

Australian Bricklayer's Accident Report



Possibly the funniest story in a long while.  This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.



This is a true story.  Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.



Dear Sir,



I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form.  I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.



I am a bricklayer by trade.  On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.


Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.



Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.  You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel,
which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.  This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.


Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.  At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.  Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.  I refer you
again to my weight.



As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.  This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.


Here my luck began to change slightly.  The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.


I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me.  This explains the two
broken legs.

[clubber]

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
>> An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
>> The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to
>> their old neighborhood after they retired.
>>
>> Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
>> It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared,
>> where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."
>>
>> On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car,
>> practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not
>> sure what to do with it, they took it home.
>> There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.
>>
>> Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
>>
>> Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid
>> it in their attic.
>>
>> The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for
>> the money, and knock on the door.
>> "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored
>> car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."
>>
>> Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
>>
>> Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
>>
>> The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
>> One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
>>
>> Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school
>> yesterday . . "
>>
>> The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."
>>

[Bassinkorea]

There was a man who really took care of his body.

He lifted weights and jogged six miles a day. One day, he looked in the mirror and noticed he was tanned all over except his "thingie".

So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his thingie, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were walking on the beach, one using a cane.

Upon seeing the "thingie" sticking up in the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There is no justice in the world."

The other lady asked what she meant.

She said, "When I was 20, I was curious about it".

"When I  was 30, I enjoyed it".

"When I was 40, I asked for it".

"When I was 50, I paid for it".

"When I was 60, I prayed for it".

"When I was 70, I forgot about it".

"Now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild on the beach, and I'm too old to  squat!".
 

[Bassinkorea]

To Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M &M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb  !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

 

[BassHunter69]

  Bk 

[BIG PAPA]

> My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my
> first appointment with a new dentist.
>
> I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I
> remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been
> in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy
> that I had a secret crush on way back then?
>
> Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This
> balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to
> have been my classmate.
>
> After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park
> High School.
>
> 'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang,' he gleamed with pride.
>
> 'When did you graduate?' I asked.
>
> 'In 1965,' he replied. 'Why do you ask?'
>
> 'You were in my class!' I exclaimed.
>
> He looked at me closely ... and then that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat
> ass, grey-haired decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, 'What did you teach?'
>

[Lipripper]

8 WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
 
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
 
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
 
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
 
5. Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
 
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
 
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
 
8. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself.. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

[BassHunter69]

  Lip  How true 

[BIG PAPA]

An 85 yr old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his
physical exam.  The doctor gave the man a jar and said "Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
 
The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctors office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "well Doc, its
like
this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.  Then tried with
my
left hand, but still nothing.  Then I asked my wife for help.  She
tried
with her right hand, then her left hand, still nothing.  She tried
with
her mouth, first with the teeth in, then without her teeth, still
nothing.
 
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between
her knees, but still nothing.
 
The doctor was shocked!  You asked your neighbor??
 
The old man replied, Yep, none of us could get the jar open!

[PiscMonkey]

Knew what that was from the start!     

[Swede]

A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
 
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. 'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'

He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.' You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life.

[PiscMonkey]

    

[BIG PAPA]

> An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of test,
> the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
>
> Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
> latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed
> with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain
> rational.
>
> In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
> bed sheets, and threw them out of the hospital window.
>
> A drunk was walking by the hospital when hte sheets landed on him. He
> started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
> the unknown thing off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled
> pile at his feet.
>
> As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
> sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter),
> and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the
> heck is going on here?"
>
> The drunk, still staring down at the bed sheets in amzement, replied,
> "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost".
>
> Happy Halloween.

[clubber]

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work
on
> scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
>
> They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If
> I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump
> off this building."
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
get
> Burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
>
> The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a
bologna
> sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
>
> The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
> cabbage and jumped to his death.
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a Burrito and jumped too.
>
> The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
death
> as well.
>
> At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
known
> how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would
have
> given it to him again!"
>
> The Mexican's wife also wept and said,  "I could have given him tacos
or
> enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."
>
> Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. She said,
> "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch!"

[clubber]

BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentucky, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to
as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore .

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1.He does not have a " BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2.?He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR
CLEAVAGE."

[Lipripper]

Good One's clubber 

What's Your SOUTHERN Birth Sign?

Some folks (especially Southerners) are pretty skeptical of horoscopes, and it has become obvious that what they need are "Southern" symbols:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra's have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Mt. Vesuvius . Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
you have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or ... maybe not...

POSSUM (Apr 21 -May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22- June 21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 -July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 -Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart; although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can, go somewhere where they have all these things that serve you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pullover and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 23)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 24 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.

[BassHunter69]

hahaha clubber and lipper thanks guys that made my day

[ScottWV]

BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentucky, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to
as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

I prefer "HillWilliam"

Ok, here's my first joke post ...

Eddie the head was born with no body, no arms and no legs. All he had was a head. But despite this major birth defect his parents still loved him very much. So on his sixteenth birthday his parents found a doctor that could surgically give Eddie a body. When the parents got home they couldn't wait to tell him that he could finally have a body and be like other normal people. They go home really excited and say "Have we got a surprise for you. It's the best present ever!" and Eddie says "Oh no, not another hat!"

[Lipripper]

  not bad for your first joke 

[clubber]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know
> >each other so well, they decided to get married.
> >
> >One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
> >
> >The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom
> >was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
> >
> >After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and
> >said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'
> >
> >
> >
> >'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.
> >
> >
> >Are you ready for this?
> >Brace yourself; this is going to hurt!!!!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
> >
> >.....................................
> >Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
> >Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly
> >...little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> >
> >Sounds to me like she's ...... !
> >......been .....sweeping around!!!

[pete s.]

The Pastor's Ass

 The pastor entered his donkey in a race
 and it won.
 The pastor was so pleased with the
 donkey that he entered it in the
 Race again, and it won again.

 The local paper read:

 PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

 The Bishop was so upset with this kind
 of publicity that he ordered
 The pastor not to enter the donkey in another
 race.

 The next day, the local paper headline
 read:
 BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

 This was too much for the bishop, so he
 ordered the pastor to get
 Rid of the donkey.

 The pastor decided to give it to a nun
 in a nearby convent.
 The local paper, hearing of the news ,
 posted the following headline
 The next day:
 NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

 The bishop fainted.
 He informed the nun that she would have
 to get rid of the donkey, so
 She sold it to a farmer for $10.
 The next day the paper read:

 NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

 This was too much for the bishop, so he
 ordered the nun to buy back
 The donkey and lead it to the plains where it
 could run wild.
 The next day the
 headlines read:

 NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

 The bishop was buried the next day.

 ................